There are 2 clones, one of the clones is real nice and well mannered, while the other one is real nasty and mean and always says bad words. So one day the 'good' clone pushes the 'bad' clone off the roof of a building.
The next day the police came to his house and arrest him for making an "obscene clone fall"!
The House
What kind of house weighs the least?
Answer:
A lighthouse.
Electric Nut
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| When I was young, I had no sense, Stuck my dick in an electric fence. It curled my hairs, it tickled my balls, It made me crap my overalls. 4th and GOAL! | ||
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| Q:What’s funnier than kicking a zombie baby wide left from the 10 yard line? A: Running it in for a touchdown and spiking it in the ground only to have it stand up and chase after you with grass in its mouth, making donkey noises. | ||
| Paraplegic | | |
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| There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who... 1) would treat her nicely 2) wouldn't run away from her 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs. "I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you." "Yes, but are you good in bed?" | ||
| Dwarf Eskimo | ||
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| | What do you call a dwarf eskimo with a hard-on? A Frigid Midget With A Rigid Digit! | |
| Bar: Horny Wife, Pooped Husband | ||
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| | A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset. "What's the matter, buddy?" asks the bartender. "It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by my fingernails without any clothes on!'' ''Gee, that's tough!'' commiserated the bartender. ''Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated. When her husband came into the room, he wanted to have sex with her -- but he had to piss first. And the lazy son of a bitch pissed out the window right onto my head!" ''Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy mood." ''Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really made me mad. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished the husband tossed his condom out the window. And where does it land? On my goddamned forehead!'' ''Damn, that really is a drag!'' ''Oh, I'm not finished! See, what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!'' ''That would sure mess up my day." ''Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!'' | |
| | SKIN CANNOES | ||||||||||
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| | Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized cannibals. The men are led to a grave site next to the water. "You have two choices of death," says the chief. "We either will kill you as a coward, or we will let you die honorable deaths for your homelands. You choose the weapon. Either way, your skins will be used to make our canoes." The first man, a soldier at heart, asks for a handgun. With this shoots himself. The next man, a warrior at heart, he uses a Japanese katana to commit seppuku as a Japanese man. The last man asks for a fork. He stabs himself repeatedly in the chest. "I HOPE YOUR CANOE SINKS!"
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